Last night, I went out for a shindig at Kettle House Eldoret and was surprisingly impressed, considering it was Thursday night. Clubbing isn’t really part of my MO anymore, but I found myself walking out of a nightclub at 4 a.m.
Please don’t get me wrong. I love the occasional night out. I’ll go crazy once in a while when I party in Nairobi, but not as frequently as I have in my campus years. And it’s not because I am getting old and boring (I’m probably in denial), but going out at night isn’t what it used to be in the early 2000s.
Let’s face it. Partying, Clubbing, Outing, or whatever lingua you want to describe Dundain’ is slowly dying into advertising. And as a digital nomad currently living in Eldoret, I’ve witnessed this slow plunge into nothingness.
I mean, where are the dance floors, goddammit? The lights, the smoke at the party peak? Bana, I’ll be honest: these nightclubs nowadays look like a fancy celebrity wedding reception. How are guys seated in a nightclub? Anyway, the rant ends there – today, I’ll write about Kettle House Eldoret as I nurse my hangover. I might have had too much to drink – but it was worth it because I’ll probably go back today, Saturday, and even Sunday for the live band -I heard.
Spontaneous Invitation to Kettle House Nightclub in Eldoret
Yesterday, my neighbors decided to invite their weirdo neighbor who never goes to work and stays indoors like a house cat (me) for a small celebration. She’d just gotten a promotion in one of the big corporations in Africa and would be managing operations in the entire North Rift region—hurray!
So, they asked me to share some of the little happiness because it clearly seemed like I needed some joy in my life. Free meals and booze? Count me in. Location: Kettle House Eldoret. I’ve been there once at their Simba Village Lounge to meet with a potential client about some apartments in Kapseret. It was a 10 a.m. meeting, and we had Coffee and muffins. It wasn’t anything I’d expect to walk out from at 4 a.m.
Simba Village Relax Inn and Kettle House Eldoret
A little context. I know Kettle House as Relax Inn. Relax Inn is an old hotel, almost as old as Eldoret itself. And Simba Village Inn is some sort of rebranding, a metamorphosis of sorts shedding out its old skin to accommodate the new urban clientele – and it works.
Relax Inn was essentially an old skull hotel famous with the oldies for Nyama Choma, beer, friendly banter, and a bed and breakfast. It’s operated like that for decades. However, the management has changed strategies to attract the new urban Eldoret population. Eldoret is turning into a City. Therefore, those old vibes hotels would have a chance, especially in a location like that.
So, they cut the establishment into Three. Simba Village Inn has a restaurant that operates 24 hours a day, a vibrant nightclub, Kettle House Eldoret, and a bed and breakfast. It’s genius if you ask me.
Some of the Best Nyama Choma In Eldoret At Kettle House
So, at 9:30 pm, the cab got us to the Kettle House Eldoret entrance. It’s right on the road, across the road from Star Bucks Hotel, and you can’t miss it. The lights and designs will attract you to the premises like a moth to a flame. Come to think of it- I’ve never seen it at night in its perfect form.
At the club entrance, you have the usual bouncer check (it’s a nightclub, after all). And right in front, they have an open kitchen smack in your face, with Mbuzi Choma glistening in your eyes. At that point, we had to order some of the scrumptiousness.
A charming host took a reserved seat next to the DJ deck. She’d booked earlier, apparently. Honestly, I love sitting at the bar being a loner, but this wasn’t my party. The reserved spot is next to a pool table, and I loved it because there was less commotion of people passing around or dancing.
She ordered some Martel, VSOP, of course, and that’s pretty much what I remember about her party – and the events that took place after.
Cool Designs Equals Cool Vibes Always
But there’s more. As a writer and a curious mild, I couldn’t help but check the premises before I sat down when we got in. Kettle House Eldoret has many sections. There’s an exclusive bar, in case you don’t like loud music, right at the entrance on the right, after the Nyama Choma thirst trap.
It’s a regular bar with a couple of seats. And by the look of things, it wasn’t too popular on Thursday night. It got crowded later, though, but not too much. As you get into Kettle House Eldoret, you’ll get to the main nightclub, one side with a long bar area that is sitting more than twenty, if I am not wrong – that’s where I’ll hang out tonight.
The other side has the sitting area, a pool table, a DJ section, and, of course, the VIP area —that’s where my neighbor had reserved for us. But there’s also an outdoor section, a sort of indoor-outdoor area with an exit to the parking section and what would eventually be the accommodation area.
I loved this place. And I envisioned it for a Sunday brunch session, where you’d chill out in the sun and enjoy cocktails and some of that Nyama Choma niceness with friends—just cool vibes talking about nothing. I’m definitely hanging out here on Sunday, it’s in my head, and I’ve got to fulfill it. I’ll hopefully write about it. You can watch out for that post.
Best Mix of Music In Eldoret Nightlife At Kettle House
So, what does hanging out at Kettle House feel like? Well, let me be honest. And please forgive me for being callous. Parting has gone to the dogs. And sometimes I feel the clubbing business in Kenya is set out to force-feed you ‘botties’ (bottles of booze) rather than what they essentially should do, which is sell its clientele good vibes and memories.
I honestly believe Kettle House Eldoret is doing the latter. Because I felt like I went out last night, and it’s Furahiday, I’ll be there like I never left! Saturday and Sunday brunch. Best believe!
Here’s the thing. We understand that clubbing is a business, but the reason most of our Kenyan clubs, specifically the ones in Eldoret, don’t beat the tides is that they can’t hold their clientele. The patrons can’t be loyal because they are chasing a high, meaning whenever a new establishment pops up – they’ll run there to find out if that works out for them, but after some time, they will feel extorted and go back to Kwa Bhupe (hands-down the best pub in Eldoret). Real talk!
Mature Fun Crowd and Staff
Most clubs everywhere in the country feel like a competition to see who buys the most premium whisky or who mingles with the self-proclaimed VIPs. What I noticed at Kettle House Eldoret was that everyone was trying to have a good time without minding other people’s business. And that trickles into people buying more booze and food because that’s why people come to clubs anyway.
Kettle House Eldoret did its research, and you’ll feel at home once you walk in. For starters, it’s quite secure. The security department handles their task with much enthusiasm. The interior design is mild and mellow. It feels warm and welcoming. There is none of that excessive lighting that makes nightclubs look like an M-Pesa shop display.
The service is hella quick. By the time I was done scouting the premises – our Nyam Choma we ordered at the entrance was at the table – Sizzling! I am a sucker for fast service. And if you are someone who enjoys their drink, you understand how boring it is to eat good food when you are high. It’s a waste of the chef’s time.
The DJ needs an award. He read the club, and old folks like ourselves enjoyed our tunes. We didn’t need to send a waitress to request a song. He checked out the crowd and ensured everyone enjoyed the music they loved. For the first time in a while, I hang my jacket on the seat. I had a good time.
On the downside, you won’t get parking if you come late, but there’s enough parking on the street across the road. But I always advocate hailing a cab when going out clubbing. It’s safer, and it’s also putting food on another table – promoting the 24-hour economy we want.
If you are in Uasin Gishu, I suggest visiting Kettle House Eldoret for some fun memories. Check out their socials for themed nights.
PS: This is not a paid review- I had a good time, and I live to share my experiences.